True Love by Francisca

 

I was almost aborted. "I was on the table just about to get the shot for you to be aborted, and I stopped the nurse, and said no!" repeated my mother. Years later, my Aunt told me my father didn't think I was his child, so he made my mom get an abortion. The doctor wouldn't do the abortion because my mother's blood was anemic. I wasn't another man's child; I look just like my father.

 

Even though, I felt unwanted growing up. Since I was an infant, I was sexually molested by my father and mother. After their divorce when I was two, I continued to be molested, also, by my mother's boyfriends. When I was 9, I started taking jazz dance classes. My dance studio became my refuge, until an older female dancer friend seduced me into her parked trailer in the back of the studio and she molested me inside. Liking the attention, I said nothing.

 

At 16, my family moved to Beverly Hills and I attended Beverly Hills High. Excited, I quit dancing to do well there. I didn't realize how much I would miss the people at the studio and the applause. Feeling lonely and isolated, and not really knowing anybody, it was at this time I was introduced to my older brothers female friend who had just came out; and unbeknownst to me, so did my brother.

 

I ended up having an affair with my brother's female friend while she was still with her first partner. It was hell, but I was desperate for affection. I wanted out of the affair and lesbianism, but I didn't know how. I wasn't taught anything about homosexuality; whether it was right or wrong. All I knew is I didn't want to loose this attention yet at the same time I still wanted out. The tug of war was so excruciating I took a razor blade to my wrist. I started to make cuts, then became scared of the pending pain, so I stopped. (Now I know it was God who stopped me) After attempting suicide, I started taking drugs and drinking and dating other women. I was miserable.

 

After 4 years in the lesbian lifestyle, I was at work in an office in Hollywood; by then I lived in the gay capital of California: West Hollywood. There, at the office, was this guy who befriended me. He told me he came out of homosexuality and I confided in him about me. He said he could tell I was in the gay lifestyle by my dress. This man's girlfriend also worked with us. Eventually, her and I started studying the Bible on our breaks. Then, they invited me to church. I was performing with a Jazz dance company at the time, so my schedule didn't permit me to attend a full service.

 

After the dance season was over, I stayed through a whole service and I practically ran down the isle. I knew I needed Christ. After the divorce, my father had become a pastor in Inglewood, Ca and  he would tell me about this Jesus. He would send tracks with our child support checks which intrigued me deeply.

 

On 23 August 1981, I knew how I was living was wrong and I asked God to forgive me and asked him into my life. At that point of prayer, I felt a literal weight come up and off of me. Thank you, thank you I kept saying. It's been 26 years now. I've been married, divorced and have 4 children. I went back to college, for the first time, in 1998. I shared my story in my speeches for Speech class and received an A+ on all three. After being molested, I started to stutter, but God. He has been by Lover before the foundation of this Earth, and he remains faithful to me and my family. I started a Woman of the Word or WOW group at my church and I have been partnering with God in intercessory prayer and prophecy. My hope is my testimony will strengthen and inspire others to find and experience this same true love.