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Coming Home:
An Open Letter to the black gay and lesbian community
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Is there a longing in your heart to come home? Has your
struggle with sexuality kept you from the relational
blessings of God? If so, it's time for a change. As your
brothers and sisters who have had like experiences dealing
with sexuality, we are offering you our help to make it back
to that place where you used to be with God. Or if you have
never experienced the joy of knowing Him, we invite you to
read on.
Gospel music pioneer Andrae Crouch sang a song many of us
heard growing up. Do you remember it?
"Take me back, Take me back Dear Lord, to the place where I
first received you."
We're alike, we're different
Perhaps more than anyone else, we understand the pain
that you may have suffered at the hands of people who said
they represented God, but failed to give you the compassion,
love and acceptance you needed to overcome the wounding in
your heart. We know how it feels to sit in churches where
you are the object of ridicule and scorn. We can identify
with the intense struggle not to give in to something your
heart knows is wrong, but your body feels is right. We take
this opportunity to call on every African American church
to stop contributing to the anguish and suffering of
sexually confused black men and women and begin promoting
healing through the ministry of reconciliation.
Yet the church and its oftimes wayward characterizations
of gays and lesbians are not your only problem.
In
your own community many of the new HIV infections are in
men of color. Hundreds more are dying silently of AIDS as a
result of shame, guilt and self-embraced ignorance. Far too
many of those men continue to have condomless sex without
disclosing the fact that they are infected.
Sex parties and pornography exploit the loneliness many
same-sex attracted individuals experience. While white gays
continue to make advances politically, financially and
educationally, black gays struggle for basic equality in the
gay community. Unfortunately,
white gay racism and elitism continues to grow. On top
of all of this are substance abuses and sexual fetishes
which reduce the quality of life.
For financial gain, some misguided therapists have spread
falsehoods about "sexual orientation." To date, there has
been no credible scientific or biological causation for
sexual orientation. Studies conducted by individuals with a
predisposed agenda have been proven many times over to be
false. We believe this is a primary source of the suffering
of same-sex attracted people. Lies delay healing but truth
brings freedom. Accepting a lie keeps you in rebellion. In a
rebellious state there can be no peace with God. If you
truly want to save your lives, don't take it into your own
hands, submit yourself to God.
It's a journey many of us as former gays and lesbians
have had to walk through. That's why we are making a
special effort to reach out to you who may not have heard
that the choice to change is still available to you. Please
understand that the challenges facing you are not entirely
caused by "homophobia" and hate. And please know that the
way to escape those problems is not necessarily by "coming
out."
We know that the hype surrounding homosexuality is at a
breaking point. Both sides have become polarized and
extremes have formed. Accusations, unfair portrayals and
stubborn anger has kept too many men and women from getting
back home. It's time for a change. You deserve a better
life and you can have it.
Coming home means coming out
We have to let you know that getting home won't be easy.
Despite what you may have heard about "instant deliverance"
and "miraculous breakthroughs" we've discovered that God is
a Father who purposely teaches His children through process.
Coming back to Him regardless of how many years you have
been "in the wilderness" of homosexual living will require
committment and endurance. Coming out of homosexuality may
be one of the most difficult things you have ever done, but
difficult is not synonymous with impossible. God specializes
in things which man thinks are impossible.
Our ministries to the sexually broken are a simply a
labor of love. Therefore, our letter makes no specific
political or denominational claims. It seeks no financial
gains, but is birthed out of a heartfelt desitre to show you
a better way to live.
For those who would reject our invitations to find
peace, we say that you have a human right to be gay or
lesbian. If that's your choice then we accept that. But we
want you to know that you have a greater spiritual right to
be free. The choice is yours. Please don't stand in the way
of those who no longer want to see themselves as gay or
lesbian. Don't take away their choice to change.
We also understand and acknowledge that the term "exgay"
may be misleading. It's not our intention to pretend that we
are completely healed or that all of our past dysfunctions
have evaporated into thin air. Yet, while the term "exgay"
does not adequately convey the process of change that we are
going through, our living, thinking and desires have
undergone drastic transformation.
Booker T. Washington said, "Success is to be measured
not so much by the position that one has reached in life as
by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to
succeed." We can testify that we are new creations in
Christ, we are no longer slaves to our former passions. We
no longer desire to live or identify as gay, lesbian, same
gender loving or anything which calls attention to bodily
passions. Rather we have a new identity in Christ and our
future and hope is secure in that identity.
If you choose to, coming out of homosexuality will mean:
In short, the opposite of homosexuality is not
heterosexuality but holiness (emotional, sexual and
spiritual living which is pure and whole). That's the goal.
That's the mark. And that's our passion.
"I feel that I'm so far from you Lord, yet I hear you
calling me."
He is calling you. You've heard him while dancing
at the club. You've heard him in the quiet of your home.
Perhaps in the midst of doing what you've become sick of
doing, you've heard Him calling you to come home. We're here
to let you know that coming home is only a prayer away. We
don't have all the answers, but we do have the most
important one: God's loves you unconditionally.
Haven't you felt that feeling stirring inside you? It's
the Holy Spirit urging you to answer God. We too, have been
at that place where things and people could no longer
satisfy. Not another lover. Not another drink. Not another
club. Not another affirming seminar. Not another pride
parade. Not another house party. It left us feeling empty,
cold and just as rejected as the day we first assumed our
gay identities.
If you are "same gender loving", we respectfully believe
that's not God's will for you. We feel that loving someone
of the same gender produces nothing fruitful or life-giving.
It reflects nothing in creation, life or God's natural order
and holds no possibility of continuation. God's will is
that you grow, prosper and produce the fruit of right
relationships. Many gays have attempted to reach these goals
by alternative efforts but realbut real life should be lived
with real results.
The co-signers of this letter, comprised of former
homosexuals and those others who support our mission are
united in our desire to present such opportunities for
change. Please contact someone at one of the resources
listed below and let them know you're ready to come home.
We'll leave the light on for you.
Sponsoring Web Resources
Overcoming Books by African Americans
In the love of Christ,
Pastor and Mrs. DL Foster, Atlanta Kevin
D. Giles, Los Angeles
Pastor Mike Lumberger, Pittsburgh Mignon
Middleton, Washington DC
Min. Marjorie Ellis, JD, LCPC Decatur, GA Rev.
Robert Coggins, Atlanta
Kimberly Williams, Los Angeles Mrs.
Gwendolyn Shuman Fox, Atlanta
Rev Jerry E. Martin, II, Atlanta
Zalee Harris, Temple Hills, MD Jacque Trim,
McMinnville, TN Elder and Mrs.
Roger Ford, Chicago Evangelist Miriam Passmore,
Miami Dr. John Diggs, Jr, MD, South
Hadley, MA Linda Carter, Mobile, AL
June R. Forbes, Richmond, VA Elder
Cheryl North, Gary, IN
Jackie Rice, Washington, DC
Charlene E. Cothran, Trenton, NJ Pastor Victoria Jones, San Jose, CA
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